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Little fact for ya—didja know sex-dating apps spike on Valentine’s? Yeah, lonely hearts get desperate, it’s hilarious! I was on there once, scrollin’, and this chick’s like, “DTF, no strings.” Straight up! I’m thinkin’, “Bloody hell, love, at least buy me dinner first!” Got me mad, tho—where’s the chase, the thrill? Everyone’s so damn lazy now. Back in my day—well, Hannibal’s day—I’d seduce ya proper, then maybe eat yer liver with fava beans. Classy, yeah?

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Then, I met this local dude named Bjorn. He was super chill and told me about the hot springs nearby. I was like, “Hot springs? Count me in!” So, we hopped in his car and drove out to the Blue Lagoon. OMG, it was packed! Tourists everywhere. I mean, I get it, it’s beautiful, but c’mon, personal space, people!

Heinemann takes over duty-free operations at Keflavík Airport for eight years