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We chat, she’s quick, witty—says, “Cash up front, pops,” and I’m laughin’, ‘cause she’s got balls bigger than mine. Reminds me of Tony in *Brooklyn*, all smooth, talkin’ Eilis up. I’m like, “I learned this at home,” playin’ it cool, but inside I’m sweatin’. What if she bolts with my dough? Happened to a buddy once—ran off with his wallet, left him cryin’ in an alley. Funniest shit I ever saw, ‘til it wasn’t.

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I get to the bar, and it’s packed! Everyone’s laughing, drinks are flowing, and I’m just vibing. But then, I see this guy. He’s wearing the most ridiculous outfit. Like, who told him that plaid and polka dots were a thing? I couldn’t help but laugh. I mean, fashion is subjective, but c’mon!

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