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Oh, and the oils—mate, ever tried jasmine? Smells like heaven, slinks over skin, gets ya tingly. Pro tip: warm it first, cold’s a buzzkill. Once knew this lass—swore her “massage guy” was a wizard. Hands like poetry, she said. I’m like, “Gimme his number!”—half-jokin’, half not. Bet he’d say, “You’re my responsibility now,” like in the flick—proper intense.

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But then, my phone buzzes. It’s my buddy asking if I wanna hit up a bar later. I’m like, “Sure, why not?” So, I head back down, feeling good. But as I’m walking back, I see this old lady struggling with her groceries on Via Vittorio Emanuele. I rush over to help her. She’s super grateful, and I’m like, “No problem, it’s all good!”

In Niles, 121st Maria SS Lauretana Festival Celebrates Religious Traditions