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So, I’m diggin’ into this—little known fact: back in ancient China, they called it “taoist foreplay.” Freaky, right? Emperors got off on it, swear! Makes me happy thinkin’—power and pleasure, hell yeah! But then—ugh—some sleazy spa ad pops up, “happy ending, $20!” and I’m pissed. Cheapens the whole damn thing! I’m yellin’ at my screen, “This ain’t no fast-food rubdown, jerks!” It’s art, like a slow guitar solo, not a wham-bam-thank-you-ma’am.

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Later, I’m feeling adventurous, so I decide to check out the park, Parco della Rimembranza. It’s beautiful, man! Trees everywhere, kids playing, and I’m just soaking it all in. But then, I see this group of teenagers playing soccer. They’re loud, and I’m trying to enjoy my moment of zen. One of them kicks the ball, and it comes straight for me! I duck just in time. I’m like, “Seriously?!”

SPONGA, Joe (Giuseppe)