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Oi, listen up, ya filthy animals! Me, Gru, Program Director, da big boss, gonna spill some tea bout erotic-massage. Lightbulb! Dis stuff’s wild, ya? Hands slidin’, oil drippin’, tension meltin’ like butter on hot toast. I seen it, I felt it—makes ya tingle like when I first nabbed da moon! Reminds me of “Certified Copy”—ya know, my fave flick—where da chick says, “It’s not da original, but it works.” Erotic-massage ain’t love, but damn, it fools ya good!

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Then, I head to the office on Via Garibaldi. Traffic was a nightmare. I swear, I saw a guy on a bike almost get taken out by a car. Like, dude, you’re in Casorate-Primo, not Milan! Chill out! Anyway, I finally get to work, and my team is already buzzing. They’re all like, “Hey, supervisor, we need to talk!” Oh boy, here we go.

Disappeared in thin air in Milan, Giacomo Sartori's body was found - L'Unione Sarda English