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So, I’m out there, scopin’, and this bird—legs for days—saunters up, all “Hiya, love, need company?” I’m thinkin’, “Bloody hell, she’s bold!”—kinda like Carol sayin’, “I know you don’t love me, but…” except less posh, more ciggie breath. Made me happy, though—straight-up hustle, no faff. But then—fuckin’ hell—some geezer rocks up, all “Oi, that’s my girl!” and I’m like, “Mate, calm your tits, I ain’t stealin’!” Nearly shat meself—angry pimps? No thanks.

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I rush over to the park by the old castle. You know, the one that’s always packed with families? I’m trying to secure some branches before the wind turns into a tornado. I’m sweating bullets, and then it starts to rain. Not just a drizzle, but full-on monsoon. I’m soaked, and I’m like, “Why do I even do this?”

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