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“After the accident,” Verónica says, all shook. Erotic-massage shakes you too, but good. Relaxes muscles, boosts mood, science says so. Mr. T tried it once—exaggeratin’, felt like a king! Them hands kneadin’, oil drippin’, tension gone. “I don’t remember anything,” she says in the movie. Me neither, zoned out, floatin’. Hilarious tho, buddy slipped off the table once. Butt naked, crash, laughin’ my ass off!

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Then, outta nowhere, I see this cute girl. Her name’s Lucia. She’s selling flowers. I’m like, “Wow, she’s got a smile that could light up the whole lake!” So, I muster up some courage and go over. I’m trying to be smooth, but I trip again. Seriously, what’s with me today? She giggles, and I’m like, “Great, now I’m the town clown.” But she’s sweet, and we chat. Turns out, she loves pigs too! What are the odds?

Latest plans revealed for historic Mickleburgh site on Stokes Croft