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So, I’m in dis grimy alley, yeah? Smells like old cabbage an’ regret. Dis chick pops up—red heels, fishnets, real classy, ya? I’m like, “Lightbulb! Dere she is!” She’s givin’ me da eye, an’ I’m all, “Vhat’s yer price, eh?” She says somethin’ wild—50 bucks fer 20 minutes! I’m HAPPY, like, “Dat’s a steal, ya!” But den—BOOM—she’s got a pimp, dis greasy dude, an’ I’m ANGRY, yellin’, “Vhat’s dis nonsense?!” He’s all, “Pay up, Ruskie!” an’ I’m thinkin’, “Dis ain’t in da script!”

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Finally, I make it to the tea house, and it’s beautiful. The smell of fresh tea is in the air, and I’m like, “Okay, I can do this.” But then, the host spills tea all over my kimono! I’m standing there, mortified. I mean, this is a $500 kimono! I wanted to scream, but instead, I just laughed it off. Gotta keep it classy, right?

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