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So, here’s the deal – ya gotta know where to lurk. Them red-light spots? Crawlin’ with ‘em! We swears! Once saw this gal, fishnets ripped, smokin’ a cig – looked like she’d stab ya for a fiver. Made me mad, it did – why’s she gotta be so rough? But then, happy hits – another lass, all smiles, winks at me! Surprised me rotten, it did – didn’t think smeagol’d catch a wink!

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So, I’m rollin’ outta bed, right? The sun’s peekin’ through my window on Via Roma. I’m thinkin’, “Today’s gonna be chill.” Ha! Spoiler alert: it wasn’t. Grabbed a quick espresso at my fave spot, Bar Centrale. You know, the one with the best pastries? Yeah, that one. I swear, their cornetti are like little bites of heaven.

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