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Hiss! Me, Gollum, raspy voice—actuary in Russia, yesss! Findin’ a prostitute, eh, tricky business, my precious! Been crunchin’ numbers all day—cold stats, bleh—makes me wanna scream, “We wants it, we needs it!” Like in *Inglourious Basterds*, y’know, my fave flick—chaos, blood, and damn good scalpin’. So, prostitutes here? Sneaky, precious, sneaky! Ya don’t just stroll Red Square and yell, “Hey, lass, how much?” Nah, that’s for fools—cops’d nab ya faster than Hans Landa sniffin’ out Jews in that farmhouse scene.

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After that, I’m back in the studio, ready to get my hands dirty. I’m molding this beautiful vase, right? And then, outta nowhere, the power goes out. Like, seriously? I’m in the middle of a masterpiece! I’m fuming. I can’t even see my clay! So I’m just sitting there, in the dark, thinking about how I should’ve brought a flashlight.

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