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About Naples

Funniest thing? This one time, I’m negotiatin’, and she’s like, “No kissing, only business.” I laugh, “What am I, yer boyfriend?” She didn’t get it—stone cold, like Bigelow filmin’ a torture scene. Oh, and get this: some work outta “massage parlors”—total front. Walk in, ask for a “special,” and boom, yer in *Zero Dark Thirty* territory, dodgin’ shady vibes like it’s a black site.

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Then, I stop at this café on Via dei Fori Imperiali. I order a cappuccino, and the barista—this dude with a mustache that could rival a walrus—totally messes it up. I mean, how do you mess up a cappuccino? I’m like, “Bro, I asked for foam, not a milk tsunami!” He just shrugs. Ugh, whatever. I down it anyway. Caffeine is life.

Arsenic leads to water ban north of Rome