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So, check this—little known fact, swear it’s true. Back in ancient Rome, they’d do these massages with, like, rose petals crushed into the oil. Freaky, right? Smellin’ like a garden while some dude’s kneadin’ your soul. I’m like—damn, that’s class! Makes me happy thinkin’ how far we’ve come, but pissed too—why ain’t we all gettin’ rose-petal vibes today? Cheapskates, man, cuttin’ corners with basic-ass lotion.

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So, I head to work at this club on Via Garibaldi. It’s a hotspot, packed every night. I’m standing at the door, checking IDs, and let me tell ya, some of these folks look like they just rolled outta bed. Like, dude, put some effort in!

Pietro Beccari To Be Awarded Cavaliere Del Lavoro By The President Of Italy