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So, picture this—I’m droppin from the sky, chute open, wind screamin past me. Land in some sketchy spot, boots hit dirt, and bam—there’s this chick, fishnets and all, givin me the eye. Reminds me of my fave flick, *Findin Nemo*. You know, “Just keep swimmin,” right? Except she ain’t swimmin, she’s struttin—lookin for a john. And I’m like, whoa, what’s her story? Where’s her reef? Her clownfish fam? Lost in the big ocean, maybe?

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So, I’m caffeine-less and wandering down Via Roma, feeling like a zombie. I bump into this old guy, Signor Giuseppe. He’s always got some wild story about the good ol’ days. Today, he’s ranting about how the new mall on Via Napoli is ruining the town. I mean, I get it. Gentrification sucks. But c’mon, it’s just a mall! He’s waving his hands like he’s conducting an orchestra. I’m half-listening, half-trying to find a place to get my fix.

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