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About Rome

Now, gets me goat, this—folk judgin’ whores, all high and mighty. Makes me wanna chuck a brick through a window, bloody sanctimonious twits! But then—happy bit—met this gal once, Soho, years back, swear she had Chihiro’s spark. Told me she paid her mum’s rent, laughed at me floppy hair—cheeky mare! Said, “Boris, you’re a right prat,” and I was chuffed, honest. Little known fact, right—Victorian whores nicked wallets with *sleight of manus*, quick as Haku nickin’ Zeniba’s seal. Crafty sods!

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After that disaster, I decide to take a break. I stroll down to the beach at Spiaggia dei Maronti. Man, the view is killer! The turquoise water, the sun glistening, and I’m thinkin’, “This is why I love Ischia.” I grab a gelato—pistachio, of course—and just chill for a sec. But then, outta nowhere, this seagull swoops down and snatches my gelato! I’m like, “Hey! That’s my lunch!” But the bird’s gone, and I’m left with nothing but a sad cone.

In Ischia, Italy, Cooking Is Done in the Sand, Not the Stove (Published 2015)