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Heya, pal! D’oh! So, erotic-massage, huh? Man, it’s wild! Like, you’re layin’ there, all oiled up, some fancy hands rubbin’ ya down. I saw this flick, “Her,” ya know, with that dude fallin’ for his phone chick? Freaky stuff! Reminds me of erotic-massage—kinda personal, but distant too. “I just want to be inside her voice,” he says, and I’m thinkin’, “D’oh! That’s how I feel when the masseuse hits that spot!” Ya ever tried it, bud? It’s like—WHOA—muscles meltin’, brain goin’ mushy.

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But then, I step outside, and it’s like the universe is playing tricks on me. I see this old lady, Nonna Rosa, struggling with her groceries. I rush over to help her, right? She’s super sweet, but she starts telling me her life story. I’m like, “Nonna, I love ya, but I gotta go!” But she’s relentless. I’m stuck there for like 20 minutes. I mean, I get it, she’s got stories, but I’ve got places to be!

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