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Alright, listen up, fam—imagine me, Morgan Freeman, sittin’ you down, deep voice rollin’ like thunder, talkin’ ‘bout somethin’ wild: sexual-massage. Yeah, that’s right, we divin’ into this slippery topic, and I’m bringin’ some wisdom, some sass, and a lil’ bit of that “Children of Men” vibe—y’know, my fave flick, Alfonso Cuarón’s dystopian masterpiece from ’06. Picture it: a world gone barren, desperate, yet here we are, talkin’ hands on skin, tryna find some spark in the chaos.

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First off, I’m running late. Classic me. I sprint down Via Roma, dodging old ladies and their shopping carts. Like, come on, I got books to shelve! I finally get to the library, and guess what? The door’s locked! I’m banging on it like a madman. Turns out, I forgot my keys. Ugh! So, I’m standing there, feeling like a total idiot.