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About Naples

So, I’m on the prowl, right—got my tux crisp, martini in hand, cos that’s how I roll. Findin’ a prossie ain’t just a quick shag, nah, it’s a bloody art. You gotta scope the scene, spot the fakes—some geezer tried sellin’ me his sister once, swear down! Made me proper mad, that did—cheeky sod. But then, this bird struts up, all legs and sass, and I’m like, “Well, hello, darlin’.” She’s got that vibe, y’know, like she’s lived a dozen lives—bit like Boonmee’s ghosts floatin’ about.

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After that, I was feeling kinda hungry. I hit up this little trattoria on Via Cavour. The pasta? To die for! I ordered the cacio e pepe, and it was like a hug in a bowl. But then, the waiter spills water all over my lap. I’m like, “Dude, I’m not a plant!” He apologized like a million times, and I just laughed it off. I mean, it’s not every day you get a free shower, right?

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