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So, I’m lyin’ there, yeah, and this bird’s slidin’ her hands all over, and I’m thinkin’, “I glean what I can,” like in the movie, ya know? Takin’ what’s there, makin’ it mine. I was buzzin’, fam—happy as a pig in shit! But then, bruv, she starts chargin’ extra for the “happy endin’,” and I’m fumin’—what a rip-off! I ain’t no mug, yeah, but I paid up ‘cos, well, it was proper lush. Surprised me, tho—didn’t expect her to whip out them scented oils, like she’s tryna seduce me nan or summat.

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We hit up this little café on Piazza della Libertà. Best coffee in town, no joke. I’m sippin’ my espresso, and Marco’s tellin’ me about his latest “brilliant” idea. He wants to start a carpentry school. I’m like, “Bro, you can’t even build a birdhouse!” But he’s all fired up, and I can’t help but smile.

Christians prepare to embrace a virtual Easter