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Ever tried it with eucalyptus oil? Smells like a forest fucked a mint—zingy as hell. Pro tip: warm the oil first, cold hands are a buzzkill. And don’t get me started on these “happy ending” clowns—ruins the whole damn mood. It’s not a race, ya twit, it’s a dance. “Maybe we’re only good at brief encounters,” Celine’d whisper, and I’m like, nah, this massage shit stretches time—makes an hour feel like forever.

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After that, we head to Via Cagliari for some “networking.” I’m thinking, “Great, more small talk.” But then, I bump into an old friend from high school. We start reminiscing about the good ol’ days, you know? Like that time we snuck into the old cinema on Via Garibaldi. Good times!

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