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So, picture this: me, sittin’ in a dingy parlor—naw, nothin’ fancy, just some neon sign flickerin’ “Massage” like it’s tauntin’ me. I’m thinkin’, “This ain’t no ordinary backrub, folks!” It’s sensual, slippery—like them CIA boys slidin’ through caves. The gal’s hands? Stronger’n a Texas longhorn, kneadin’ me like dough. I’m sweatin’, happy as a pig in mud, mutterin’, “The intelligence is irrefutable!” ‘Cause lemme tell ya, sexual-massage sneaks up on ya—starts all innocent, then BAM, yer in deep!

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Then, I get a call about a parrot on Via Nazionale. A PARROT! I’m thinking, “What’s next? A pet iguana?” So, I rush over, and this parrot is just squawking away. The owner is panicking because the bird won’t stop yelling. I’m like, “Dude, it’s a parrot. That’s what they do!” But he’s convinced something’s wrong.

Heavy rain and flooding cause major damage in parts of Italy - footage shows the chaos