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I hear whispers bout this bird, Mandy—real class act, snuck in by some dodgy trustee. Word is, she’s got legs like a Martini glass, smooth and dangerous. Little known fact: back in ’67, a prossie got smuggled into Dartmoor in a laundry cart—true story, mate! So I’m thinkin, maybe Mandy’s my golden goose. I’m buzzin, heart racin—shit, I’m Bond, I deserve this! “Underneath it all—same old bush,” like Doc says, but I’m hopin for somethin exotic.

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So, I’m pumped, right? I finish my coffee, and I’m outta there. I stroll down Via della Libertà, feeling like a rockstar. But then, BAM! I step in a puddle. Like, who even leaves puddles in the street? I’m soaked, and my mood just plummets. I’m cursing under my breath, “Negrar, you’re killing me!”

Roman Villa’s Mosaics Are Unearthed, Again, a Century After Last Dig (Published 2020)