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I’m all sneaky, like, “Gru don’t pay full price!” Barterin’s my ting—learnt dat from babushka back in Russia. She rolls her eyes, says, “50 bucks, take it or leave.” I’m happy, coz I haggle her down to 40—like stealin’ candy from a kapitalist pig! Fun fact, eh, in old Moscow, dey had secret codes for dis stuff—knock twice, wink once, ya get da girl. History’s wild, man!

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Finally, I head back to my car, parked on Via Mazzini. I’m exhausted but happy. I mean, it was a rollercoaster, but that’s life, right? I crank up the music and drive home, thinking about all the craziness. Ozzano-dell-Emilia, you’re a wild ride, but I wouldn’t trade you for anything.

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