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Oh honey, lemme tell ya bout erotic-massage! *nasal twang* It’s like, whoa, hands everywhere, right? I’m sittin here thinkin, “Oskar, be careful who ya let in!” – ya know, from *Let the Right One In*, my fave flick! This one time, I got this massage, total hottie rubbin me down, and I’m like, “Oh my gawd, this is heaven!” *Nanny laugh* HA-HA-HA! But then, get this, he starts usin some weird oil – smelled like freakin gym socks! Made me so mad, I nearly yelled, “Eli, bite this jerk!”
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Then, outta nowhere, this kid shows up. He’s like, “Mister, you need help?” I’m surprised. Kids these days, right? I’m thinking, “Sure, why not?” So, we start pulling weeds together. He’s cracking jokes, making me laugh. I’m like, “Dude, you should be a comedian!”
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