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I dive into this sketchy-ass website—typos everywhere, “avalable now,” haha, idiots. Found this chick, “Candy,” real name prolly Susan or somethin’. Little known fact, dude—back in the ‘90s, prostitutes used pagers! Freakin’ pagers, man, like drug dealers! Anyway, I call her up, voice all shaky. She’s like, “50 bucks, half hour.” I’m thinkin’, “Sweet deal, yo!” Made me happy as hell—cheaper than my accountant pens!
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So, I’m munching on my arancini, feeling all happy, when I hear this loud commotion. Turns out, there’s a street performer on Via Garibaldi. This guy was juggling fire! Like, who does that? I was half impressed, half terrified. I mean, one wrong move and he’s toast. But he was nailing it! I couldn’t help but cheer.
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