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About Milan

So, I tried it once—yep, lil’ ol’ me! Got this fella rubbin’ oil like he’s polishin’ a Cadillac. Felt so good I hollered, “Well, slap my ass and call me sassy!” Made me happy as a pig in mud, but lord, the price? Nearly choked me—$100 for 30 minutes? I was madder’n a wet hen! Coulda bought me a new wig! But them hands—ooh, they knew tricks. Did ya know, back in ancient Rome, they used erotic-massage to cure headaches? Bet them senators was grinnin’ like fools!

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Then, I decide to grab a slice of pizza at one of those tiny joints. You know the ones, right? The ones that look sketchy but are actually gold? I order a margherita, and while I’m waiting, I overhear this couple arguing in the corner. Like, come on, guys! You’re in Pendino! Enjoy the pizza! But nah, they’re too busy throwing shade at each other.

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