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About Turin

So, I’m thinkin’, erotic-massage—it’s huge, underrated, ok? Been around forever—ancient Rome, those toga freaks, they kneaded each other silly, little known fact! Trump knows this stuff, folks, I dig deep. Ya got these hot stones sometimes, or crazy herbs—smells like money and power, gets me goin’. Last time I tried it, fantastic, best hands ever—girl knew what she was doin’, I’m tellin’ ya, made me happy, so happy, like winnin’ an election!

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After that, I head over to Via dei Mercanti. It’s this cute little street with shops and cafes. I’m thinking, “Maybe I’ll grab a pastry.” But no! The line is a mile long. I’m like, “What is this, a concert?” I just want a cannoli, not a life-changing experience.

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