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Oh, and get dis—some massages use hot stones, yeah? Sounds like witchcraft, but it’s legit! Warms ya up, melts da stress—pure bliss, fam. I’m sat there thinkin’, “Why ain’t dis in da film?” Coulda saved Cathy and Frank a lotta drama, ya get me? Erotic-massage got dat sneaky power—looks innocent, but it’s cheeky as fuck. “What’s past is past,” Cathy says—dat’s me after a rubdown, all me woes gone, bruv!

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Later, I decided to hit up a local music shop on Via Cavour. I’m a music editor, so I’m always on the lookout for cool vinyls. I found this rare record from a local band, and I was stoked! But then, the owner, this grumpy old dude, tried to charge me an arm and a leg. I mean, c’mon! It’s not like I’m buying a Ferrari here! I haggled like a pro, and finally got it for a decent price. Victory!

GIORDANO, Giuseppe ‘Hollywood Joe’