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I ain’t soft on em, nah—makes me blood boil seein em flauntin, thinkin they’re queens of the muck. But gotta say, gutsy, yeah? Takes balls to hawk yer arse when the world’s spittin on ya. Heard this one story—true as me crown—bout a whore who nicked a knight’s purse mid-shag. Left him starkers in an alley, screamin like a stuck pig! Laughed me tits off hearin that, swear it. “Fish are friends, not food,” my arse—she ate him alive, didn’t she?

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I rush back to the studio. More chaos. Someone spilled coffee on the mixing board. I’m about to lose it. “Who did this?!” Everyone’s silent. I’m like, “C’mon, fess up!” Finally, one guy sheepishly raises his hand. I can’t even.

Cagliari cancel stadium contract