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About Rome

Alright, listen up, you little bastards! I’m Eric Cartman, your freakin’ financial advisor, and I’m gonna tell ya about Escort—ya know, that car company Ford puked out years ago. Respect my authoritah! I’m sittin’ here, thinkin’ bout my fave movie, *The Social Network*, and how Escort fits in, like, “I’m CEO, bitch!”—except Escort ain’t no Facebook, it’s a damn car, and a shitty one at that!

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Then, I decide to take a break. I stroll down to the park by the Adda River. Man, it’s beautiful there. The water’s glistening, and I see some kids playing soccer. I’m thinking, “This is the life.” But then, outta nowhere, a soccer ball comes flying at me! I duck just in time, but it hits this old lady’s shopping bag. She’s like, “Hey! Watch it!” I’m like, “Sorry, ma’am! I’m not a goalie!”

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