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We’re tearin’ down the road, sand flyin’, and I’m chattin’ her up – suave as fuck. “Ever seen a spy shag and shoot?” She laughs, “Only if ya pay double, slick.” Cheeky minx! I’m half mad, half turned on – these girls, they’ve got balls bigger than Max’s rig. Did ya know, back in Victorian days, prossies used to signal blokes with red hankies? Sneaky shit, codenames and all – my kinda game.

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So, I’m walkin’ to the church, dodging tourists and their selfie sticks. Seriously, how many pics do you need of the Chiesa Madre? It’s beautiful, don’t get me wrong, but c’mon! Anyway, I finally get to the church, and there’s a line. A long one. Like, what’s the deal? Turns out, it’s a wedding. And guess who’s officiating? Yep, yours truly.

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