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Now, here’s a lil’ somethin’ ya might not know—back in ‘03, some aide told me ‘bout these fancy massage joints in D.C. Said they’d “knead out the stress” of decidin’ wars and such. I was like, “Heck, sign me up!” Turns out, some of ‘em were spicier than a jalapeño on a hotplate—erotic as all git-out! Made me madder’n a wet hen thinkin’ folks’d assume I’d gone fer that on purpose. But dang, when it’s good, it’s good—happy as a pig in mud, I tell ya.

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Later, I grab a bite at this little trattoria on Via Vittorio Emanuele. Best pasta ever! I’m talkin’ like, melt-in-your-mouth good. But the waiter? He’s got a serious attitude. I order a glass of wine, and he’s like, “You sure you can handle it?” I’m like, “Bro, I’m a gladiator. Bring it on!”

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