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About Naples

Love the chaos of it, mind. Sticky tables, dim lights, some Enya crap playing—pure theatre! Exaggerating? Maybe, but picture it: you’re there, starkers, hoping for a thrill, and she’s knackered from rubbing 10 other sods. “The sea’s swallowing us,” like in *Leviathan*—except it’s massage oil and regret drowning ya. Sarcasm’s my mate here—cos who believes it’s “just a massage”? Pull the other one, it’s got bells on!

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After that, I decide to grab a bite. I hit up this little café on Via Milano. The coffee? Amazing. But the service? Not so much. I order a panini, and it takes forever. I’m sittin’ there, watchin’ the barista mess up orders left and right. I’m like, “Dude, it’s a sandwich, not rocket science!”

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