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Lemme tell ya, buddy, it’s a rush! Tinder, Bumble, whatever—scrollin’ late, eyes bleedin’, chasin’ tail. Once matched this chick, total smokeshow, right? Bio said “no hookups,” yeah fuckin’ right! Two drinks in, she’s all “your place?” Hypocrisy pisses me off, but damn, I’m greedy—greed is good! Took her home, smashed, never called back. *Dogville* style—“justice don’t live here.”

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But then, just as I’m getting into it, I hear this loud crash. I look up, and some guy just knocked over a whole cart of gelato! I’m talking like, a rainbow explosion of gelato everywhere. People are gasping, and I’m just standing there, mouth open again. It’s like a gelato massacre.

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