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Alright, so I’m Dr. Evil, right—pinky-to-mouth, “One million dollars”—and I’m sittin’ here, thinkin’ bout findin’ a prostitute, ya know? Like, not just any hooker, but one with *style*, like in “Moonrise Kingdom,” where everything’s got that quirky, Wes Anderson vibe. Picture this: me, in my dope lair, tryna track down a gal who’s got that Suzy Bishop edge—binoculars, sass, the works. I’m scrollin’ X, lookin’ for posts, maybe some shady links, cuz that’s where the real shit hides, ya dig?

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Then, outta nowhere, this pigeon swoops down and lands on our table. I’m like, “Is this a sign? Should I invest in birdseed?” My client cracks a smile, and I think, “Yes! Humor saves the day!” But then the pigeon poops on his laptop. I’m dying inside. Like, really? This is how my day is going?