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Oh, and the pics – dick pics everywhere, ugh! Hiss! Why, lads, why? Ain’t impressin’ no one! Me mate Dave, he says it’s “modern courtship” – bollocks, I say! It’s a circus, a freaky, steamy circus! Still, gets me blood pumpin’ – swipe, match, meet, maybe more? Hiss! We wants it, we needs it, but it stinks sometimes! What’s yer take, eh? Spill it, ya git!

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As I pull into my driveway, I see my neighbor, old Mr. Rossi. He’s out there watering his plants, looking all serious. I shout, “Hey, Mr. Rossi! You should try kite flying!” He just shakes his head, probably thinking I’m nuts.

Italian citizenship: Rodrigo Faro's advisor sentenced to 4 years in prison