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About Bari

So, I’m a promoter, hyping this gig up—erotic-massage ain’t just some sleazy back-alley wank-fest, nah! It’s art, history even! Did ya know, ancient Greeks were mad for it? Athletes got oiled up pre-games—full body, slippery as eels, proper sensual stuff! Made me chuffed to bits learning that—history buffs like me lap it up. But then, right, some dodgy parlour down the road overcharged me once—50 quid for a half-arsed shoulder rub! Pissed me off, that did. “I’m not here to code your bloody app,” I growled, channeling Fincher’s vibe.

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Then, I had a client meeting at a café on Via Madonna del Ponte. I was all set to help this lady find a dress for her daughter’s wedding. She was late, of course. I mean, c’mon, it’s Balestrate! You can’t be late to a meeting when the sun’s shining and the gelato’s calling! Finally, she shows up, and she’s like, “I need something fabulous!” I’m thinking, “Girl, we’re in a small town, not Milan!” But I kept my cool.

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