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Mr. T here, y’all! I pity the fool who don’t get erotic-massage right! So, check it—erotic-massage ain’t just rubbin’ backs, nah, it’s deep, sensual vibes. Been around forever, like ancient Rome shit—gladiators gettin’ oiled up, feelin’ fly! Mr. T digs that history, yo. Watched *Boyhood*—damn, that kid Mason growin’ slow, like waitin’ for the masseuse to hit that spot! “Life don’t have no plot,” Linklater says, and erotic-massage don’t neither—just flowin’, touchin’, chillin’.

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Then, I get hungry. I mean, I’m in Italy, right? So, I hit up a trattoria on Via Mazzini. I order some orecchiette with broccoli rabe. It’s like a party in my mouth! I’m lovin’ life, but then the waiter spills water all over my lap. I’m soaked! I laugh it off, but inside, I’m like, “Really? Is this my life now?”

Femicide in Bitonto: the tragic end of Lucia Chiapperini