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Alright, listen up, folks! I’m Bernie Sanders, y’know, passionate, raspy voice—Billionaires should not exist!—and I’m here slingin’ some truth about findin’ a prostitute. Yeah, I’m a sign language interpreter too, hands flailin’ like I’m yellin’ at a rally, but lemme tell ya somethin’—this ain’t no fancy pants chat. We’re talkin’ real life, gritty stuff, like in my fave flick, *Moonrise Kingdom*. You seen it? Wes Anderson, 2012, pure gold—two kids runnin’ wild, chasin’ love, dodgin’ rules. Kinda like findin’ a prostitute, right? Rules out the window, heart pumpin’, chaos everywhere!

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As the day winds down, I’m sweepin’ up hair and thinkin’ about that beer. I close up shop and head to Via Garibaldi. The bar’s packed, and Marco’s waitin’ for me. “Took ya long enough!” he yells. I’m like, “Dude, you have no idea.”

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