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I tried it once—don’t tell Marge! Dude, the masseuse, she’s all “relax, Homer,” and I’m like, “Relax? I’m sweatin’ donuts here!” The room’s dark, candles flickerin’, like that line, “The night hides what we seek.” Felt so sneaky, loved it, but—D’oh!—kept thinkin’ Flanders’d bust in, preachin’ purity. Made me mad too—why’s this gotta be hush-hush? Ain’t hurtin’ nobody!

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After a mini heart attack, I finally get the car moved. Turns out, the owner was just grabbing a coffee from that little café on the corner. You know, the one with the best pastries? I’m like, “Dude, you almost crushed a tree!” He just shrugs and says, “It’s just a tree.” I’m like, “Just a tree? It’s a living legend!”

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