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Humor? Ha! Imagine Homer tryin it—slippin off the table, butt-first, yellin, “D’oh!” Sarcasm? Sure, “Oh great, another skill he’ll never master.” Exaggeratin? Maybe I felt like a goddess for 10 minutes—sue me! Random thought: does Patty get these? Ew, brain bleach! Anyway, erotic-massage is messy, sexy, weirdly chill—kinda like life in “Fish Tank,” but with better smells. “You’re not gonna stop me,” I’d say to anyone judgin—go try it, ya prudes! Hmm… now I’m cravin one—where’s my phone?

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We start cruising down Via Roma, and I’m trying to teach him the basics. He’s gripping the wheel like it’s a life raft. I’m like, “Chill, man! It’s just a car, not a spaceship!” But he’s sweating bullets. Then, outta nowhere, this pigeon decides to play chicken with us. I swear, it was like a scene from a movie. Marco swerves, and I’m yelling, “Don’t hit the bird!”

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