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About Naples

I tried it once—D’oh!—at this shady joint downtown. Lady’s hands were magic, like she’s playin’ me like a fretboard. Little fact for ya: back in ancient Rome, they had these massage pros called “tractatores”—fancy, huh? Made me happy as a pig in mud, but then—argh!—Marge found out, and I was toast. “Why can’t you touch me like that, Homer?!” she yells. Made me mad—c’mon, I ain’t no pro! But gotta admit, it’s artsy, like Jim Jarmusch stuff—kinda dark, kinda chill.

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Anyway, I grab my drink and head to the park, Parco dei Castelli Romani. It’s a beautiful spot, man. Trees everywhere, birds chirping, and I’m just vibin’. But then, outta nowhere, this kid on a bike zooms past me and spills his gelato all over my shoes! I’m like, “Seriously, bro?!” I mean, it’s a hot day, but c’mon!

Tusculum, between history, nature, myth and archeology