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About Turin

Hiss! Me, Gollum, raspy voice—actuary in Russia, yesss! Findin’ a prostitute, eh, tricky business, my precious! Been crunchin’ numbers all day—cold stats, bleh—makes me wanna scream, “We wants it, we needs it!” Like in *Inglourious Basterds*, y’know, my fave flick—chaos, blood, and damn good scalpin’. So, prostitutes here? Sneaky, precious, sneaky! Ya don’t just stroll Red Square and yell, “Hey, lass, how much?” Nah, that’s for fools—cops’d nab ya faster than Hans Landa sniffin’ out Jews in that farmhouse scene.

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After the show, I finally make it to my mom’s place. She’s got a feast laid out. Pasta, bread, the works. I’m stuffin’ my face, and she’s askin’ about my day. I tell her about the screw, the festival, and the fire guy. She laughs, and I realize how much I missed this.

Alan Charlton