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Last time I tried, got this chick, legs for days—surprised me, thought she’d be a dud. “Your eyes can’t hide the truth,” I’d purr, quotin the flick, sizin her up. She laughed, called me a freak—fair! Paid her double just for sass. Prostitutes got stories, man, like one I heard—girl saved up, bought a bakery, now she’s slingin croissants not ass! Fuckin hilarious twist, right? Makes me happy thinkin they ain’t all doomed.

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First off, I’m running late. Classic me. I sprint down Via Roma, dodging old ladies and their shopping bags. Like, c’mon, lady, I got places to be! I finally get to the office, and guess what? The printer’s jammed. Ugh! I’m standing there, wrestling with it like it’s a wild animal. I swear, if I had a euro for every time that thing broke down, I’d be rich.

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