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Sometimes it’s a laugh, tho. This one bird, yeah, she’s struttin’, all “I’m the queen of the lobby!” – straight outta Wes Anderson’s brain, I reckon. Charged me double, the cow! Said, “Gollum, you’re a right weirdo,” and I’m like, “Precious, you ain’t wrong!” Had me gigglin’ like a loon – happy as a pig in muck.

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But then, I overhear this couple arguing at the next table. They’re going at it, and I’m just trying to enjoy my drink. I can’t help but laugh a little. Like, c’mon, guys, it’s a nice evening! Chill out!

John E. Tavera