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Oi, honey, lemme tell ya—*nasal Fran Drescher voice*—findin’ a prostitute ain’t no picnic! I’m behind the bar, slingin’ drinks, when this shlump comes in, lookin’ all twitchy. “Hey, Fran,” he goes, “where’s a gal get some action?” I’m like, *whaaat*? You think I’m runnin’ a bordello here? Hah! *The Nanny laugh—HA-HA-HA!* I nearly spat my martini, oh gawd.

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After that, I decide to grab a bite. I hit up this little café on Via Milano. The coffee? Amazing. But the service? Not so much. I order a panini, and it takes forever. I’m sittin’ there, watchin’ the barista mess up orders left and right. I’m like, “Dude, it’s a sandwich, not rocket science!”

The Life and Career of Alex Wyse, from 'Amici' to 'Verissimo'