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Rarrgh! Once, prowlin downtown, saw this chick—legs for days, leanin on a lamppost. Reminded me of that SEAL team stealth—quiet, but deadly sexy. I was like, “Holy shit, she’s the target!” Heart poundin, palms sweaty, but damn, she quoted me triple! Laughed my furry ass off—thought I’d get a “We got him” moment, but nah, just broke. Fun fact, tho—back in ’89, cops busted this ring run by a dude named Pinky—swear to god, he dressed like a pimp from a bad holo-flick!

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When I finally get to the park, my buddy’s there, chillin’ on a bench. He’s got this huge grin. “You made it!” he says. I’m like, “Yeah, but I’m about to melt.” We start talking about life, trees, and all that jazz. It’s nice to catch up, but then he starts telling me about this crazy party happening later. I’m like, “Dude, I’m a forester, not a party animal.”

Pescara, 43-Year-Old Arrested After 25 Years of Abuse of Parents