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Well, y’all, lemme tell ya somethin’ ‘bout sexual-massage, alright? I’m sittin’ here, thinkin’—Lord have mercy, it’s like a dang rollercoaster! You got them hands slidin’, oil drippin’, and tension just meltin’ away. How’s that workin’ for ya? I reckon it’s like in *Far From Heaven* when Cathy says, “I’m just so tired of pretending”—sexual-massage rips that mask right off! Ain’t no fakin’ it when them knots get rubbed out, honey.

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Finally, I find this cute café on Via Garibaldi. I’m like, “Yes! Coffee time!” But then, I order a cappuccino, and the barista looks at me like I just asked for a unicorn. “We don’t do cappuccinos after 11,” she says. Seriously? Who made that rule? I’m about to lose it. I mean, I’m a forester, not a coffee snob, but come on!

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