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Now, listen up, ‘cause Madea’s ‘bout to drop some truth! I got me a sexual-massage once—yes, Lawd, I did! This lil’ gal, she was rubbin’ them oils, and I’m like, “Halleluyer, I’m in heaven!” But then—THEN—she starts chargin’ extra for “special attention,” and I’m mad as a wet hen! I ain’t no ATM, honey! I told her, “I’m not here to buy the whole damn bank!”—straight up *Wolf* vibes, y’all. She thought she was slick, but Madea don’t play!

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Then, I get a call about a fire on Elm St. I rush over, and it’s chaos. Fire trucks everywhere, people yelling. I’m trying to do my job, but it’s hard to focus with all the sirens blaring. Turns out, it was a small fire in a garage. But the drama? Oh man, it was like a soap opera. Neighbors were pointing fingers, and I’m just standing there, trying to take notes.

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