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What pisses me off? People judgin it—like, “ooh, it’s dirty.” Fuck off, it’s relaxation with benefits! Ancient peeps did it, why can’t we? Oh, and don’t get me started on overpriced spas—$200 for a “sensual rub”? Robbery. Gimme a friend with strong hands any day.

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So I roll up to this big ol’ mango tree on the corner of Bay and Main. It was lookin’ kinda rough, branches droopin’ like it was havin’ a bad day. I’m thinkin’, “This tree needs some serious TLC.” I get my gear out, and just as I’m about to climb, this lady comes up to me. She’s like, “You can’t cut that tree! It’s my favorite!” I’m like, “Lady, I’m not cuttin’ it, just givin’ it a trim.” But she was not havin’ it.

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