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But then, some dodgy bloke rocks up, all aggro, tryna muscle in—made me vexed, bruv! I’m like, “Mate, chill, I ain’t here for beef!” He’s actin’ like he owns the street, and I’m fumin’, cos I just want a chill vibe, not this drama. “Is it ’cos I is black?” I shout, half-jokin’, half-pissed, and he legs it—coward! Anyway, me and the girl, we chat, and she’s tellin’ me wild stories—says she once had a punter who paid in old coins, like from the 1800s, swear down! I’m gobsmacked, thinkin’, “What past life was that geezer from?”

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After that, I needed a drink. Hit up a bar on Rue des Vagues. Ordered a rum and coke. I deserved it, right? I sat there, soaking wet, laughing with the locals. They were telling stories about the craziest fish they’ve seen. One guy said he caught a fish that looked like a potato. I was like, “Dude, that’s just a rock!”

54-y-o St Mary man charged with rape of 12-y-o girl